You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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