I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
