did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
