Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
