So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
