I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
