He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
