ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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