I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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