guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
