i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
