Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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