all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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