How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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