Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
