i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
