i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
