Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
