Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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