i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
