I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
