god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
