He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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