There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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