So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
