she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
