walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
