i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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