im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
