oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
