dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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