I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i out mim tonsoeep
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