did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
