my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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