i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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