she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
