A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
