just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
