smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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