This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
