I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
