it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
