I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
