: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
