i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
