it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if only i could text you this smell
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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