Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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