Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
