I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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