i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
