Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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