then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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