Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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