I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize