if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
