...so i touched it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
