I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you are never too drunk for berry picking
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
