I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
