I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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