I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
