Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
