some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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