Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
