Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
