stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
