I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize