Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
