Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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