I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
