I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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