i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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