marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Jerry, you need to find god
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
