my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
