is wine microwaveable?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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