Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
