You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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