The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
