So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
