why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize