I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
