Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
