I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
