I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He shit in the fireplace
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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